Here is my first video introducing myself to all of you! I hope you can relate with my story and please don't hesitate to leave comments and/or email me with whatever advice you may have for me! As well as any questions...I am an open book so feel free to ask away! Thanks for watching!
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Trying to conceive, the reality and disappointment...
...As many may already know...Gregg and I have been trying to get pregnant for quite some time now. It will be 3 years this June of 2011 and has become an all consuming process that I can't seem to stop thinking about. Talk about being a perfectionist--I am used to always getting what I want; especially if I worked hard for it and earned it fair and square and now...I can't believe that we haven't been able to sustain a pregnancy YET...When we were briefly pregnant this time last year...it was a refreshing surprise as literally that month we decided to "chill out" and whatdoyaknow...we got pregnant. Sadly it ended shortly after...I was supposedly about 6-7 weeks along at that point. I was deflated after that and didn't know what to think or what to do.
The hardest part of ttc is trying not to get so wrapped up in it, but it literally becomes a job. I don't mean the routineness of it or the lack of spontaneity--just the mental stress of contemplating everything you do...what you eat, how you sleep, what vitamins you take, everything starts to be a bullet list of what to do and what not to do...it truly does become an obsession of sorts and it's not that you want it to, but when you don't get the desired outcome, you start to devise other ways to get to the goal. I took for granted that I had age on my side...and even with some of the procedures I had prior to getting pregnant--all of my doctors never voiced any concern on my ability to.
I'm lucky that I already do have a darling daughter who is super cool. And it's partly because of her that I want to have another baby. She is an amazing daughter and was an easy baby which only compelled me to want more children. I never thought my kids would be so far apart in age as my sister and I are nearly 12 years apart with no siblings between us...and as close as we've become, I know, when I was younger, I always had wished I had a sibling to grow up with. Instead, I became my sister's babysitter and parenting figure. I don't regret or resent that but I didn't want that for my own children. My daughter will be 11 years old this summer and I'm in awe of who she is becoming and am so proud that she is my daughter.
So here I sit pouring out my heartache and sharing with you my steadfast desire to have another baby. It's a dreary day out and I can't seem to get focused or think straight. I will be turning 33 next Saturday and can NOT believe it already. I always thought that by now, I would have 3 kids. Life always throws you a curveball and if you want to stay in the game, you gotta be resourceful and make the right choices and not get benched.
I've definitely learned alot of lessons about myself throughout this process and will share with you in detail via video about my journey thus far. I've surprisingly become more spiritual through this process because my instincts just tell me, maybe it's just not the right time for me or for my family to have another baby. A higher power is controlling how this all goes and I just have to have faith and believe that it will come when it's time. Either way it makes me sad all the same. I'm envious of friends and family that do have babies, but never jealous. If anything at all, it gives me hope. My husband and I have done all we can do with tests and making sure that all the plumbing works the way it should and we remain hopeful. Our last and final resort will be IVF (invitro fertilization) but we aren't quite ready to take that step yet...so needless to say, we've agreed to take a true break...although I will admit, I still mentally track my expected ovulation and have to resist the urge to track my bbt (basal body temperature). I have to intentionally shut down and sincerely let go the ideals of trying to conceive...I've made alot of lifestyle changes and reformed some habits to holistically provide myself a happy and healthy aura to attract what I want into my life...the problem is I have way too much going on and know I have to downsize and say no if I'm truly serious about getting pregnant.
We as women, are constantly wearing so many hats that it's hard to just say no or slow down. Through this journey, I've learned that family time is really important and that you never know what will happen the next day so you have to truly embrace each day as you live it. It's so easy to forget and to get caught up with the mundane everyday routine. I have to remind myself...to slow down and to take a breath....
The hardest part of ttc is trying not to get so wrapped up in it, but it literally becomes a job. I don't mean the routineness of it or the lack of spontaneity--just the mental stress of contemplating everything you do...what you eat, how you sleep, what vitamins you take, everything starts to be a bullet list of what to do and what not to do...it truly does become an obsession of sorts and it's not that you want it to, but when you don't get the desired outcome, you start to devise other ways to get to the goal. I took for granted that I had age on my side...and even with some of the procedures I had prior to getting pregnant--all of my doctors never voiced any concern on my ability to.
I'm lucky that I already do have a darling daughter who is super cool. And it's partly because of her that I want to have another baby. She is an amazing daughter and was an easy baby which only compelled me to want more children. I never thought my kids would be so far apart in age as my sister and I are nearly 12 years apart with no siblings between us...and as close as we've become, I know, when I was younger, I always had wished I had a sibling to grow up with. Instead, I became my sister's babysitter and parenting figure. I don't regret or resent that but I didn't want that for my own children. My daughter will be 11 years old this summer and I'm in awe of who she is becoming and am so proud that she is my daughter.
So here I sit pouring out my heartache and sharing with you my steadfast desire to have another baby. It's a dreary day out and I can't seem to get focused or think straight. I will be turning 33 next Saturday and can NOT believe it already. I always thought that by now, I would have 3 kids. Life always throws you a curveball and if you want to stay in the game, you gotta be resourceful and make the right choices and not get benched.
I've definitely learned alot of lessons about myself throughout this process and will share with you in detail via video about my journey thus far. I've surprisingly become more spiritual through this process because my instincts just tell me, maybe it's just not the right time for me or for my family to have another baby. A higher power is controlling how this all goes and I just have to have faith and believe that it will come when it's time. Either way it makes me sad all the same. I'm envious of friends and family that do have babies, but never jealous. If anything at all, it gives me hope. My husband and I have done all we can do with tests and making sure that all the plumbing works the way it should and we remain hopeful. Our last and final resort will be IVF (invitro fertilization) but we aren't quite ready to take that step yet...so needless to say, we've agreed to take a true break...although I will admit, I still mentally track my expected ovulation and have to resist the urge to track my bbt (basal body temperature). I have to intentionally shut down and sincerely let go the ideals of trying to conceive...I've made alot of lifestyle changes and reformed some habits to holistically provide myself a happy and healthy aura to attract what I want into my life...the problem is I have way too much going on and know I have to downsize and say no if I'm truly serious about getting pregnant.
We as women, are constantly wearing so many hats that it's hard to just say no or slow down. Through this journey, I've learned that family time is really important and that you never know what will happen the next day so you have to truly embrace each day as you live it. It's so easy to forget and to get caught up with the mundane everyday routine. I have to remind myself...to slow down and to take a breath....
Go Green!
....So with my efforts on trying to conceive (TTC) over the past 2.5 years--I literally feel like I've exhausted every avenue both naturally and medically (just short of doing IVF--invitro fertilization) in trying to get pregnant and I've taken somewhat extreme measures in lifestyle change and diet modifications. When I was briefly pregnant last year (without any assistive drugs or procedures) I vowed to make some changes to improve my health. One of the things that I did was change what I used to clean my house.
Did you know that we currently use cleaning products in our home that we don't even have the faintest idea what's in them and never even questioned it? We are creatures of habits and do what our mothers did for decades. We do things ...simply..."just because" that is what we know and because it was how it was done before us. We are in a culture where allergies plague almost every person in every family and the onset of sicknesses and ailments are higher than they've ever been!
Empower yourself to change what you use. You can decide to make your own green products. There are so many recipes online. There is one website called Gorgeously Green that gives some great tips.
I personally use products from a private company that is amazing and has definitely saved me money and time and has literally transformed my cleaning experiences as a domestic goddess, lol. It was amazing to see the changes in my family's health just by switching to green products as well as the decrease in allergies and exposure to chemicals that we subjected ourselves to. If you'd ever like more information about what products I use, please don't hesitate to email me or leave a comment and I can give you more info!
Did you know that we currently use cleaning products in our home that we don't even have the faintest idea what's in them and never even questioned it? We are creatures of habits and do what our mothers did for decades. We do things ...simply..."just because" that is what we know and because it was how it was done before us. We are in a culture where allergies plague almost every person in every family and the onset of sicknesses and ailments are higher than they've ever been!
Empower yourself to change what you use. You can decide to make your own green products. There are so many recipes online. There is one website called Gorgeously Green that gives some great tips.
I personally use products from a private company that is amazing and has definitely saved me money and time and has literally transformed my cleaning experiences as a domestic goddess, lol. It was amazing to see the changes in my family's health just by switching to green products as well as the decrease in allergies and exposure to chemicals that we subjected ourselves to. If you'd ever like more information about what products I use, please don't hesitate to email me or leave a comment and I can give you more info!
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