Birth Control Pills NO MORE, Red-headed Slut, FlyLady, and Extreme Couponing!

....Oddly enough...part of my protocol to HAVE a baby is to be on birth control...soooooooo weird, right?  This just helps IVF docs get you on a predictable cycle and they usually have many patients going through IVF at the same time so it makes it for a more streamlined schedule for everyone involved.  I had been on birth control for 21 days today and now I await the arrival of the "red-headed slut", lol.  Seriously, isn't our menstrual totally a red-headed slut?  She is a total buzz kill and does command attention when she arrives.  A total pain in the ass (well, the vajaja anyways, lmao).   Maybe when "SHE" finally comes, I'll have an actual drink to celebrate, lol...corny I know.

...From what I've read, after you start injections, it just seems to fly by at a blink of an eye.  I'm also excited to "resume" my acupuncture as I've taken 2 weeks off so far just for monetary reasons...which I hate cuz I love getting acupuncture and I am excited to resume...I miss the relaxation of it and also the true benefits that I felt from it.

...I'm still "flying" with my domestic goddess duties at home with the FlyLady!  It definitely does put my stress at ease to see such a clean home, lol.  I am currently in Zone 5 right now which is deemed the Family/Living Room Zone and I've done enough maintenance in this area and it's just...fabulous.  Tomorrow is the start of the Entrance Zone and I've attached that to the first floor excluding the kitchen as the kitchen is a whole room of maintenance in itself!  It is true though, if you clean a bit everyday, there really isn't much to do...there is no "shock" or "yuck" factor at all as you're doing it every day so there is no time for mold, mildew, or anything "fuzzy" or discolored to appear, LOVE IT!

...So it appears to be that Extreme Couponing has totally developed into a genre of its own and will be making its debut on TLC TLC Extreme Couponing.  I am thoroughly excited about this!  Among the many other interests that I've taken to such as Cloth Diapering, Eco-Friendly Living, Modest Menstrual Care and Placenta Encapsulation...I swear, I've drastically gone off the deep end, lol.  I started to think about my constant job jumping situation and am not happy about it and was trying to figure out how I could "contribute" to the household since I am unable to "consistently" do this financially and I started to research couponing.  It is truly miraculous but like all things, will REQUIRE WORK!!!  Rome wasn't built in a day and neither is learning the method and science behind actual couponing.

...Some great sites and resources that I have found that makes couponing learnable and accessible are the following:

Coupon Mom

The Krazy Coupon Lady

Coupon Divas

...And one of the great tools to organize your coupons if you're not a do-it-yourselfer, is:

The Couponizer 

And I do confess...I have ordered this after watching many youtube videos on it and believe it will help me stay true to the integrity of ...pursuing and follow through with my attempts at "extreme couponing."  So I will be sure to update you on my efforts, wink wink.

...I always, ALWAYS get roped into these things!  Must be my Aquarian trait or just that I am truly curious and optimistic about all kinds of stuff and ideas...it's that Jane-of-all-trades side of me and that I like to LEARN how to do things for MYSELF...I like knowing about stuff so it's all part of my crazy "addiction." lol.

...I'm constantly lamenting and putting SO MANY THINGS on my plate..and never have enough time, but I guess that's what keeps life interesting, right?  keeps me from getting bored I guess.  I do need to learn how to slow things down and perhaps things finally will...eventually or NEVER...lol.  I am excited about the paths that are presenting themselves before me and the opportunities that are in the midst...and truly believe they were put in my path for a reason...I just need to be realistic with my approach and be mindful of the choices that I am making.

Onward and upward!  So until my next update which I believe will be pack filled w/injection stories and IVF progress...can't wait!

Elise_PG_Wannabe

Sleepless in Pennsylvania...

 (Click on the pic to read the cartoon)

...It's 12:18 AM and I am....wide awake, ugh.  This is painful to me--I fell asleep today...at around 4pm in the early evening....I could NOT keep my eyes open to save my life....was watching tv and started to drift and next thing you know, I was out like a light on the family room sofa.  My husband was doing stuff on his laptop and I was off to la la land...which I guess, was a blessing of sorts; it's such a luxury anymore to have the chance to do "absolutely nothing!" and I haven't had a "nap" in the longesssssssst time yet I can't help but feel guilty for that 1.5 hours that I fell asleep...in any case, I woke up in time to freshen myself up and get myself together to pick up Vanessa from her dad's.

...Vanessa and I had a cool conversation on our drive home.  It's so amazing to see how mature she's gotten in the last year and how observant she is with everything that is going on.  I am truly so lucky to have her for a daughter and I can only hope and pray that our relationship will build, grow and become more secure as the years progress.  I'm trying to get all wrapped up in her now, because I realize it's inevitable that she will go through her teens like every other girl...emotional...and possibly anti-mom---hmmmm....I hope I manage okay through it....I just have to remind myself that I'm not alone and that it will eventually pass.  I love her so much and will try my best to convey that to her every day without overwhelming her...pray for me...lol.  She will be 11 this summer...so I still have some time, but I remember when 14 hit, it was soooooooooo drastically different....I believe it will be fine, but I'm still a nervous wreck about it, lol.

...Even though I had a nap today...I think part of the reason that I am so sleepless is because I know it's my last week on bcp's and that possibly by Friday, I will be starting my injections and it's just that much closer to the goal.  I'm so excited to get started and don't dread it at all.  Too eager and anxious and keep dreaming about my possible brooding belly and going shopping for baby stuff and nesting and all that jazz.  I think it'll be great for Vanessa to finally have a sibling on "this" side as she already has 1 step-brother and 2 half-siblings on her dad's side.  She is definitely going to be a super cool big sister and I see ALOT of myself in her when I was her age.  I was first born and had always wished I had an older sibling to look up to as my relationship w/my mom wasn't the best and was a bit strained as I was growing up.  I always wanted someone to take care of me and protect me and didn't feel that way w/her.  I always vowed that I would try my best to be the kind of mom that I always wanted and I hope that  I will do my daughter proud and that I will be a good role model for her.  My sister and I are 12 years apart and I was always more of a parenting figure to her than her sister...but it was so nice to finally have a sibling--even if it was literally more than a decade apart...I had a SISTER, finally, a sister, I was so happy when she was born. Let's not also forget to mention that between my sister and my daughter, there is about 11 years--so for whatever reason, it seems fated that a decade needs to exist between each, don't know why.... I always thought my own children would be a few years apart but it's looking like history is repeating itself as my daughter now almost 11 will be that much older than her sibling when I finally get prego.  There is a reason for everything I am sure...so I will just have to take it in stride, I guess...lol.

...All of this uncertainty is really hard for this Type A control freak personality of mine, lol.  I'm being humbled everyday and for the better so I will ride it out...ha ha ha.

...I'm still wide awake and wondering if taking Melatonin is really going to help me at this point?

...I don't want to go back to bed tossing and turning and keeping my hubby up as he has a really busy day tomorrow at work and I have much to do on my domestic goddess list of cleaning duties, lol.  I have truly taken household maintenance to a "whole new level" lol.  Eversince I have re-committed to the Fly Lady Routines, I have began to view my time staying home and not working "outside" the house as if it is my career "inside" the house and I know my hubby truly appreciates and embraces my newfound interest in being the domestic goddess that I am, lol.  It does make me very proud to see the house looking all "showroom ready."  It's gratifying to see the expressions on my family's face; they are so happy to come home to a tranquil and "UN-CHAOTIC" space...what a blessing!

...I don't want to run the risk of boring all of my subscribers to tears with my babbling because I'm unable to fall asleep, but figured maybe I would get some thoughts out and take advantage of blogging while thoughts were racing through my energized brain.

...Much more updates to follow this week as I will finish bcp's on Thursday and starts stims maybe on Friday, I hope AF shows up with a quickness, lol.

...Until my next sleepless night in pennsylvania....good night!

Elise_PG_Wannabe

Not my usual cocktail...

....So it's Friday night...my daughter left for her dad's for the weekend...Gregg and I are watching the movie, "Righteous Kill" on Netflix starring both Robert DeNiro and Al Pacino...the movie boasts a pretty good cast and it's keeping my interest surprisingly YET I am sitting here blogging on my laptop while watching the movie, lol.

...I got all of my meds, the final one arrived today, The 2-week Leuprolide Kit.  I have to confess I've never been quite so excited to be on medicine before, especially injections, but the end does justify the means and I am all for doing whatever is necessary to give this a fair shake!  Hope for the best and prepare for the worse as they always say, right?

...I am on my last week of bcp's and then I'm scheduled to call my Fertility Nurse when Aunt Flow shows her "red" head, lol.  I'm supposed to start Follistim and take all of my baselines once she shows up so I am hoping it all starts next Friday!!!

...I've been taking prenatal vitamins, omega-3, and calcium for about 3 years and found out in November that I was deficient in vitamin D so I've added that to my "cocktail" of pills;  When I started acupuncture, I mainly did it to de-stress and thought it'd help to relax me so that I would be "more" fertile and then my Acupuncturist prescribed me some chinese herbs to aid in my fertility and to warm me up as she discovered I had a Yang Deficiency hence why I am always so "cold"...which I have been plagued with most of my life..no matter the season, I am always slightly colder than everyone else.

...Amazingly in a month's time of starting chinese herbs and about 2 months into getting acupuncture, my PMS symptoms are GONE!  I have always had bad cramping before my period w/some bloating and heavy bleeds during my periods for as long as I can remember.  I kinda got used to the cramping as it was always a precursor to my impending period so I knew it was a day or two away...my menstrual has always been off...not consistent...sometimes it came every 32 days and sometimes it came every 40...so my cramps were always a sign to let me know that it was around the corner.  I am so surprised that after only 2 months of acupuncture, it has rid me of the PMS completely, I'm speechless, literally.  My whole life...of about 20 years of taking birth control, pamprin, calcium, drinking milk, and pain meds to alleviate my bloat and cramps---and 2 months, TWO MONTHS of acupuncture, GONE!  Craziness.

...Considering that I am Vietnamese and grew up in a very traditional household, you would have thought that I'd be more readily willing to appreciate these herbal remedies seeing that I grew up with knowledge of them;  my parents often greased me with Eagle Oil, the standby cure all for whatever ailed you.  My mom used to tell me all the time, "Eat this!  It will warm you up! or "Lay in this direction, it's better for your digestion."  I never took her seriously, but now it's like I'm having deja vu as all the recommendations from my acupuncturist, vaguely seem familiar to me.  They always say that you're mom is right; you just don't want her to be at the time--and then one day, you become a mother and history begins to repeat itself. Go figure.

...So...anyways, I'm so off topic, lol; sorry!  I tend to get this way in my bouts of "inspiration," lol.  My whole reason for my longwindedness, is because to my current daily cocktail, I will now be "beefing" up my daily elixirs with some injections and I'm not one for excess, but Salute!  below you will see my goodies and treats!  I'm not a totally organic naturalist, but I don't think OTC drugs are the way to go either...I'm a firm believer in moderation--"both" and "and" can co-exist in the right amounts if taken correctly...so ladies, don't fret!  Don't tell yourself that you need to become a tree hugger or get addicted to prescription meds to get pregnant...just believe and follow your instincts...whatever that may be...you will know what is right for you and what "feels" right... :)

From top left to right: Alcohol swabs, 8 qty. Ganirelix 250mcg, 10 qty. Menopur 75iu, (box of syringes: 20 qty each of 18, 22, & 30 gauge).Middle left:  2 boxes (10 pen needles each) of Follistim 900iu, 2wk Leuprolide Kit, 1 Novarel 10.000 unit; in front of it--2 bottles of Progesterone in Oil 50MG.  Front row:  2 tubes of Lido Cream 2.5%, Doxycycline 100MG and Medrol/Methylpred 16MG.

The only thing not captured in the picture is the actual Follistim Pen Kit, other than that, that is the cocktail, lol.  So starting next week, Miss Margarita and Mr. Mojito, I won't be able to hang out for a short while but I may still visit with "Wynonna Wine" from time to time to unwind, lol...short term sacrifices for long term gain, let's get this party started! :)

Good luck to all that are TTC and especially to those that are IVFers like myself...it'll be a doozy of a ride and I'm so glad to share my experience with you and to ride the ride together!

Happy Day!

Elise_PG_Wannabe

Finding your inner domestic goddess...

...So considering that I've been "out of work" since early February...I have made it my life's mission (well, until I go back to full-time, outside of the home work at least lol) to become re-acquainted with my inner Domestic Goddess...cleaning has so many positive outcomes both emotionally, intrinsically, extrinsically and visually.  There is nothing better than to see your home cleaned from top to bottom, rid of clutter, and organized.  When I was married to my ex-husband and shortly after having my daughter Vanessa, I stumbled upon a very cool website:  Flylady.  At the time, she had a very modest yet very informative fun website for those homemakers or those households currently living in CHAOS. (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome)  She is truly so clever and motivational and I did start to put some of her suggestions into practice.  Needless to say, life happened and divorce soon after that and now here almost 10 years later, I have re-discovered this faithful Flylady.  I have even ordered her "Sink Reflections" book which is pretty much the same info on her website, but figured it would be a good read that I could take with me to read in between appointments and errands.  I have even created my "control journal" on my MS OneNote and am completely excited at the organizing that I have started doing around my home and my DH is completely giddy with my newfound interest in domesticated duties!

To help me along with some of her routines, I have purchased some things that were very inexpensive and will help me in maintaining order and cleanliness in my home.

 

If you think you may want to join me in my "Crusade for Cleanliness" read on below and hopefully this will be just as fun for you as it is for me!

First, go to Fly Lady and join her site, it's FREE.  On the left-hand side, click on FLYing Lessons and begin reading and learning all about the Flylady Way!  After you've gotten acquainted with the Flylady Way, then go to the left-hand side and click on Beginner BabySteps and start SLOW and soon you will build some new habits and be on your way to FLYing!  It is very EASY to go bonkers and want to do everything all at once, but her methods are tried and true and only do what you can do in the given time she says--otherwise, you set yourself up to be overwhelmed and then you will give up.  You are NEVER behind so take your time and get where you want to go!

Some key things I have in each of my bathrooms are:

• Rubber gloves/disposable gloves
• A roll of paper towels
• A microfiber rag (I bought mine in sets of 2 at the Dollar Tree or Dollar General) (I use them for counters and mirrors)
• A textured scrubby washcloth (I found these at Target and they are amazing!  They come in sets of 5 and varying colors and on one side it looks like a traditional washcloth and on the other side there is a textured mesh side like you'd have on scrubber sponges.  I have a set in red stripe for the kitchen to wash dishes and a set in blue stripe for use around the toilet)
• A toilet brush next to the toilet (I bought a cheapy toilet brush and holder at Dollar Tree or Dollar General; it sits back behind the toilet so I don't think it's necessary to buy an "expensive" one and rather replace them as they get worn out)
• Tub and tile cleaner/tilex/scrubbing bubbles cleaner
• Windex or mirror/window cleaner
• Toilet gels for inside the toilet bowl (I buy the Scrubbing Bubbles brand as it keeps the toilet smelling great and clean and is easy to use since it sticks on the inside of the toilet bowl)

For my kitchen the main products I have are:

• Brillo pads
• Textured washcloth for washing dishes
• Bar Towels (I bought these at Target also; they come in sets of 6 and are about the same size as a washcloth, but are super absorbent, lint-free and fast drying; I use this to complete my "shine your sink" routine and wipe down the counters with them, they are fabulous!  I have 2 packs so I have a new and clean one for every day of the week and wash them in my laundry.
• Comet/Barkeeper's Friend Cleanser and Polish (to scrub and polish my sink)
• All purpose cleaner like 409 spray (Tough and Tender)
• Disinfectant spray like Lysol (SolUGuard)
• Dishsoap and dishwasher detergent
• Windex or glass cleaner (Clear Power) (Shine my sink!)
• Stainless Steel Cleaner
• Degreaser (MelaMagic) (I use this to clean my range hood and stove and oven)
• Murphy's Oil Floor Cleaner (I use this on my tile and wood floors)

Hopefully some of these products and the ideas from FlyLady will get you revved up and excited to become domesticated!  I am thoroughly hopeful that I will develop some great homekeeping habits and routines so that when I'm finally PG, I will be well on my way to an orderly house and won't be too overwhelmed with the day-to-day tasks.

Hope you find your inner domestic goddess, enjoy!

Elise_PG_Wannabe

Mock Transfer and my imploding bladder....

....So today was quite interesting to say the least.  I was instructed to come to my Mock Transfer appointment w/a full bladder.  This is mostly due to the fact that I have had numerous LEEP procedures and 2 cone biopsies done in my past and it has somewhat "mishapened" my cervix.  I owe this "inconvenience" to my HPV and level 3 cervical dysplasia that I was diagnosed with in 2002 and eversince then my cervix has never been quite the same.  Having a full bladder, pushes my cervix back into a more "straight" position since right now without a full bladder, it is kinda hidden and harder to navigate through.  My husband of course, uses this opportunity to poke fun and suggests that maybe that's why "his boys" can't find my egg as it's more of a maze getting through then a direct route, lol.  In any case, they are aware and so this is helpful that we know this upfront so that we do whatever is necessary to ensure the most optimal results.

...I realized today, how DEHYDRATED I really am.  I rarely drink enough liquids throughout the day and don't ever feel thirsty...so weird since when I was younger and before having my daughter Vanessa...I used to drink so much that I would never be hungry since I'd be filled to the gills with water, soda, juice, and milk.  Now it's quite the opposite.  I eat more and drink...less.  My appointment this morning was for 10am so I started to drink at 9am and knew I needed to aim for about 32 oz. for it to be helpful for my mock transfer.  I drank 16 oz by 9:30am and then did about another 8 oz. by 10am.  They had me prepped and in the room by 10:15am and by 10:30am I thought I was gonna pee myself waiting for the Dr to come in...Holy Guacamole!  And literally..if the wind would have blown a little too hard or if someone had touched me ever so slightly, I would have completely lost it--lol...the doctor told me to pee a little just to relieve myself, thank GOD for that...seriously...I can't remember when was the last time that I was holding it in to the point of combustion like that...maybe in grade school?! 

Well actually, the last memorable experience of my having to "hold my urine" was when I was about 15 and in Viet Nam...we were travelling by car on dirt roads in the countryside and I had to pee, but I refused to pee in the road and their bathrooms were so barbaric that I just figured I could hold it...well...8 HOURS of bumping around in the back seat seriously made me ill as I tried to distract myself from needing to use the bathroom...but it didn't work and literally I had to give in...talk about a UTI to remember and that was my first time ever visiting Viet Nam...so needless to say, I will never forget it. lol.

...Ok sorry for the longwindedness of that last scenario...let's get back to my appointment.  So, the doctor does her thing making sure to make notes of how she had to "navigate" through my cervix to ensure good placement of the embryos for the future appointment and then gives me the green light to go relieve myself.  I can't believe that 20-some oz. I drank just ran through me like that?!  Again, I think it's due to the fact that I don't drink enough to begin with and will have to slowly re-acquaint my body w/this...seems so simple yet it really isn't.

...Now onto my meds coverage.  I stop in the nurse's office to let her know about the email I received from my pharmacy/insurance provider that stated my meds weren't covered.  She was clearly annoyed and asked me to sit with her while she made the call to inquire.  Apparently my insurance covers the meds, but it's a 2-step process.  I was already enrolled in the base program, but wasn't enrolled in the "specialty" program which is what the fertility meds are covered under.  Funny since I was just on the phone w/a rep last week and she never mentioned this to me...figures.  They entice you with all of this great coverage, but make you jump through hoops to access it...when it's supposed to be common procedure.  So we enrolled in the specialty scripts program and then she placed the order on the phone while I sat there.  Everything seems fine, so we will see what happens.  Apparently the non-specialty scripts (needles, progesterone, antibiotics, gauze, etc) have already been shipped, and we are now just waiting on the specialty scripts.  I don't even know what my co-pay is, but hopefully it won't sting too much...I will update w/that info later.

...So I also discussed w/the nurse about the possible dates that my IVF would take place and as of right now, my last bcp is to be taken on March 31st so they expect me to do my baseline bloodwork and to start my injections April 1st or 2nd...and if things progress the way they expect...I could be doing my ER (egg retrieval) at the earliest April 11th!!!  So I am hopeful that will be the case...and that I will get my BFP before April is even over...that would be so fantastic!!!  But again, we will see based on how my body responds to the meds...

..On another not so happy note, I STILL have my rash...and it's mostly on my left arm...it looks like I fell into a thorn bush or something...it's literally covered in "bites" that are oozing and inflamed and super itchy...I've been using that cortisteroid cream on it...I don't really believe it's working...so I started dabbing on the bites, Eagle Oil..it's a menthylated camphor rose oil that many Asians use for curing every ailment out there...and surprisingly...I think it is working better than the script the dermatologist gave me...since the script cost me $5 but the doctor's co-pay was $25 so really there's $30 I won't ever see again...blah...oh well...I'm glad I got the consult but the dermatologist really didn't help and didn't seem like he cared so whatever.

...Already, I am feeling super tired, fatigued and nauseous from the birth control and that only makes me wonder what a doozy of a time will I have once I actually start the injections?  Can't be all that great, but I am trying to remain optimistic and at least, I still get to do my acupuncture and that is always fabulous...I think it's very important and necessary for me to keep going to acupuncture as it relaxes me, keeps me stress free and calm...which I know is so hard to do when we are trying to conceive.

So here you go ladies...here was my update..forgive me if I went on for what seemed like ...forever, lol...as you can tell, I am quite the chatty patty and blab away...but until my next update, I hope you enjoy your day!  We're having BEAUTIFUL weather here in Philly today and tomorrow and I'm gonna try my best to take advantage of it...:)

Baby Dust to all...xo.
Elise_PG_Wannabe

Blah...

...So for the past few days...I've not been feeling well at all....I feel totally "blah"... kinda nauseous, kinda fatigued...and just not like myself at all.  I still have a dickens of a rash mostly on my left arm and am wondering if it will ever go away?  I've been on birth control pills for a few days as well and overall, didn't think they'd affect me so much but I think I feel "blah" because of them.
...Tomorrow is my Mock Transfer procedure which I am excited about.  I know that it is nothing more than a "practice" appointment, but I guess anything related to IVF just seems like one added step towards the big picture and so I get completely giddy and excited about it!
...I received an email from my pharmacy provider stating that a "recent" order was denied because meds weren't covered...I truly hope that isn't related to my IVF and didn't want to get all stirred up so I will ask the financial gal at the office when I go for my appointment tomorrow.
...I've been trying to keep myself busy with job searches as well as domestic goddess duties around the house.  My daughter is at her first "school dance" today and I can't wait for her to tell me all about it.  It is called the "Green and White Dance" which is fitting considering St. Patrick's Day is this week.  The dance is technically during school hours, near the end of the day and so I will pick her up a little bit later than usual.
...I am getting very wary with all the changes that have taken place in my life so far...the possibilities of FINALLY being pregnant after almost 3 years is desired yet crazy with so much up in the air...I have no job...am looking for a job...waiting on decisions from law school....my husband may be losing HIS job...it's insanity...to no one's fault but our own...yet it keeps everything interesting and moving forward...
...I definitely didn't intend for everything to fall into position the way that they did...and quite frankly...literally everything is UP in the air...with nothing landing on the ground or implanted securely at all.  The uncertainty is what is nervewracking and yet the possibilities are so promising and something to look forward to.
...I will update more tomorrow on what I find out about my meds coverage along w/how the mock transfer goes...

Until then!  Love ya!
Elise_PG_Wannabe

IVF Antagonist Protocol--Initiated!

....So the "not" so good news is my Aunt Flow did in fact make her appearance --spotting on Tuesday and then full flow on Wednesday which so happened to be the scheduled IVF consult anyways.  The bloodwork that was done on Monday was in fact "negative" for hcg and surprisingly, I was so happy that it was???  INSANE considering the past 2.5 years, getting my period would result in my weepiness and disappointment...knowing that I am in full gear to pursue IVF, I was relieved that the test was negative and am both eager and excited to move forward with this treatment!

My husband and I went to the consult w/our RE yesterday and got more bloodwork done.  My husband then left for work while I stayed w/the Fertility Nurse, Roz was her name and she is amazing!  We spent the next 2 or more hours...going over the IVF Protocol as well as her demonstrating and teaching me how to self administer the sub-cutaneous injections related to my treatment.  I have no problems with needles, blood, or any of that stuff so it seemed very straightforward and easy to understand.

My doctor explained to me that they'd be using an IVF Protocol called the Antagonist or Hyper Response Protocol.  He said that they decided this on a number of factors and a few of the characteristics as to why were:
My age (I'm younger than 35)
My Body Mass Index (I'm small, petite and considered light weight)
My unexplained fertility as there are no other reasons for me to be considered for another protocol
My possible percentage in having Ovarian Hyper Stimulation Syndrome
and also the fact that since I was diagnosed w/unexplained infertility, that this protocol allows for more monitoring and consistent check-ups and evaluation of my treatment.

Instinctively, I truly do believe that IVF will be a great service to me, no matter what the outcome may be--success or no success as many of the "unexplained" problems I'm having can't be discovered any other way unless I proceeded to this level of treatment.  Doing the IVF will enable the doctors to investigate and probe further to find the reasons to my diagnosis...the "unexplained" will potentially be answered and that is a true blessing to me!

The doctor further explained that with my information and if I decided to do transfer ONE embryo at a Day 5 transfer, which is at a blastocyst stage, my chances of conceiving and sustaining a pregnancy was higher than 60% which is fabulous!  If I were to elect doing two embryos at Day 5, my chances for twins would be about 40% which is also very good and still very high, but I am aiming for one good healthy baby!

So to start this protocol, I will be on Birth Control Pills for the next 21 days starting tomorrow, CD3, Friday.  Roz explained to me this is to ensure that they can pinpoint exactly when to do what procedure next and allows for more control and consistency with the process, which I am all about it so whatever is necessary, I will do.  When my Aunt Flow comes back for a visit at the end of the month, I am to call the office to schedule bloodwork and an ultrasound.  From there we will then start the ovulation stimulation with the injections which I will definitely follow up with some video tutorials and updates as well.

But for now, there won't be much "action" related to the IVF as I will just be on Birth Control Pills for the remainder of this month.  I will try to update with how I'm feeling and whatever else I have cooking at home in terms of domestic goddess tips and tricks and projects, but other than that...it will be a long month for me.

The expected time of egg retrieval and transfer will happen around the 11th through the 22nd and I should know ultimately if I am pregnant FOR SURE by end of April!!!!  Woohoo!  It's so exciting and I just can't wait for all of this to happen.

Being the realist that I am, I will always hope and pray for the best and prepare for the worst.  I do not intend on telling my daughter until I am "in the clear" after the first trimester...and once all systems are a go, I will be going nutts with scouring the internet with all things natural, cloth diapering, nesting, decorating, baby gear and in getting my daughter ready to be a Big Sister.

If it doesn't work out--I will have learned more about my body and how it works and maybe will have more insight on what I could do the next time.  My husband and I have agreed to freeze whatever embryos we have left and will decide when we are ready if we will pursue another treatment or take a break.  In any case, I believe this whole experience has brought us much closer and has taught us so much about ourselves and each other.

So until my next post, happy day to everyone!  Baby Dust to All!  Enjoy the weekend wherever you are!  It's rainy and gloomy here in Philadelphia, hope it's sunny where you are! :)

March Madness Miscarriage

....I can't believe it's been over a month already since my first blog!  The time has definitely escaped me and I am eager to get back on track with my updates!  I am still trying to figure out how to upload my vlogs/videos to the blogspot without complications and so far, I haven't progressed...so thank you for your patience as I am almost certain these videos will be informative, fun and make you laugh!

I also didn't expect to have a follower already! So thank you so much Cynthia for showing some interest in my journey and giving me an incentive to stay on top of my blog and keeping you up-to-date! :)

I titled this blog, March Madness, but I really didn't mean the basketball teams selection...it truly has been March Madness for me in general.  With turning 33 year last month, it truly has been a bittersweet moment.  The desire to want to beocme pregnant has been such an informal priority, that it has truly taken over and I didn't want to make it the focus in my family yet there isn't a day that goes by that I don't hope and pray for that HPT to produce 2 lines.

 March is especially a sensitive time for me as this exact time last year...my cycle was 45 days long and YES, I was pregnant last year!  After my traditional 32 day cycle came and went, I was taking HPTs every 3rd day and they kept turning up negative.  I was getting so frustrated but I did in fact have some early pregnancy signs--swollen breasts, headaches, lower backaches and fatigue and smells totally affected me.  My friend was having a birthday party for her son at Chuck E. Cheese's this time last year and I remember her telling us that she was pregnant...she wasn't actively trying, but was open to whatever happened and at 39, was pregnant with her third.  Honestly, I wasn't saddened at all by her news although, she is such a sweetheart and felt bad sharing her news as she knew I was desperately trying for a baby.  It gave me hope and I think that was when I told my husband that we should really give Clomid a shot when my next cycle would start and he agreed. 

 The following weekend, we went to a wedding and I felt amazing and I couldn't explain why.  I just loved the gown I wore to the wedding, my boobs were fabulous and really "coming out."  I still hadn't gotten my period yet HPTs were still negative.  I still watched what I drank and ate just because I wasn't sure.  Finally, that Monday after the wedding, I took a HPT and it was POSITIVE!  I was in shock and took 3 more and they all read positive, I was ecstatic!  I told my husband and daughter.  I went for a blood test on that Wednesday and on that Friday, it was confirmed, I was pregnant!  Based on my LMP, I was estimated to be about 6-7 weeks.  I was scheduled to have an ultrasound at 8 weeks.  This was truly amazing and I couldn't have been happier.

...That following Friday,  I woke up to what was...bright red blaring blood when I went to use the bathroom!  I couldn't help but assume I was losing the baby already.  My heart sank into the pit of my stomach as I called my husband and asked him to come home from work to take me to the ER.  We got there and they did all of their tests and took a biopsy of my cervix and took a blood test.  After a few hours it was in fact confirmed that, I had what was called an Incomplete Miscarriage.  The Hcg levels were dropping and had not doubled much from the week prior.  They had speculated it could've been an ectopic but weren't sure.  I opted out of the D & C procedure and decided to do Expectant Management instead and took it easy for the remainder of the weekend.

...I knew I had to distract my mind....and thankfully my daughter was scheduled to be w/her biological dad for the weekend, so I had complete freedom to grieve and cry if I wanted to without upsetting her or hiding it from her.  I decided to paint a cessna airplane w/a streaming marquee on her wall as she had requested that I add this to her bedroom mural for quite some time so it was very therapeutic for me to distract myself and it's very sentimental to me everytime I look at it. :)

Nothing could've prepared me for what would happen after my daughter came home from her father's that Sunday.  I answered the door, and in she walked in, kissing my belly, and telling "it" "Hello Baby!  Hope you're doing good in there!"...I tried to hold back the tears because I was going to have to tell her that I miscarried over the weekend and didn't know how she would take the news.  She put her things away and got settled and I asked her if I could speak to her in private.  This conversation probably was going to be the most difficult conversation I have ever had to have in my adult life thus far.  I took her to her room and we sat down.  I started to tell her that I had some bad news.  As I began to tell her that I lost the baby, I will never forget the look on her face...my tender young darling, was only 9 years old when I told her that the baby wasn't ready to come to be with us.  She didn't react right away....she just sat silently..with no response...then it happened...her eyes welled up with these deep tears and she just began to cry...she was asking, "Why?  How comes?  It's not fair!!!"  She told me I was a great mommy to her and deserved to have another baby and she was angry and sad all at the same time.  She compared that her biological father and step-mom were able to have more babies and why not me?

...But what she did next only proved her genuine kind heart...she went downstairs to the living room, and embraced my husband, her step-father...and said to him, "I'm so sorry we lost your baby!  We will try again."  And all at once we all wept.  She was so brave and courageous after such sad news and it was then that I was reminded of how very lucky I was to have such an amazing young girl as my daughter...She truly is the apple of my eye and the reason why I have been fortunate to become the mother that I am and the reason why I so want more children...to give her the gift of siblings and friendships that would last her whole lifetime...It would be such a blessing.

So here I sit...having a moment of deja vu...It is literally the anniversary ...give or take a week or two of the whole ordeal that took place last year...and as I reminisce...I know and believe...all good things come to those who wait...and God always has a plan...timing is everything ...and whatever is meant to be, will be.  I am not much of a religious person or an avid church goer...but I have always been very spiritual and connected with my instincts and intuition...and so I am faithful to living life and letting the cards fall where they may....so everyday, I continue to work on myself and try to remain optimistic and hopeful.

...So where do I stand now you might ask?  Well...I am waiting for my period...it is CD 35 (and I'm normally 32 day cycle)  HPTs are coming up negative and I am scheduled to meet with my RE to discuss IVF on Wednesday, March 9th.  If I don't get "Aunt Flow" tomorrow, I may call to ask for a blood test...just to make sure before I make any decisions to pursue IVF.  It would be fabulous if I am pregnant naturally and I know that I will most likely request progesterone injections to aid in sustaining my pregnancy if that is what it ends up to be...and if I'm not PG then IVF will be our next possibility...but I won't know til the end of this week...so bear with me...I will continue to update when I can...but for now...I wait...

I wish you all out there a happy Sunday and week!  I continue to pray for not only myself but to all those out there TTC and send you baby dust and love always!  Thank you for continuing to follow and hopefully there will be good news soon! :)